Review: The Strain: The Fall #4

It’s official. The entire series is a setup. The final chapter, The Strain: The Fall #4, is just more of the same. I was hoping with all this setting up that the final chapter would be this explosive ending. But it’s all of the same problems, and it doesn’t really end. I get that the story continuing in another series sells more, but I personally would not continue this because the entirety was boring confusing and therefore unpleasant.

I’m going to try and keep this short because I’ve covered a lot of this in prior reviews and try and keep it fresh for the people who actually follow these reviews. This comic brings in all the characters that have been previously introduced, but there seem to be some convoluted connection scheme between them that isn’t entirely clear. It’s too scattered and thinly spread to fully understand for me. This might just be because I’m still a comic novice, but it was impossible for me to keep up who’s whom and why they know them. It overall just appears to lack focus and a key element to every story: A PROTAGONIST. If someone asked me who the story was about, I would probably say something along the lines of about 5 random groups of people who kill these creepy tongue things in New York City for some reason I’m not fully sure of.

What else do you want in an action comic? Violence! There was finally some proper fighting but it seemed fairly aimless. Usually when people fight it’s for a purpose, but this was just fighting. I mean there was some clear intents from a few select characters, but for others there seemed to be little reason; it wasn’t even for shits and giggles or some kill number goal. It wasn’t a big focus even, almost like the author just had to fill his quota for number of panels with blood.

Beyond that there wasn’t much more substance. All that was left was list of cliffhangers for the next series: Angels. I mean, that’s basically it. I wished there was more to ending of this because I was holding out hope that the ends would justify the means, but the finale was just as much a dud as its predecessors. Guillermo Del Torro failed to deliver for me and I wish I could hold The Strain: The Fall in higher regard.

You could probably guess this but I would not recommend this comic (or series) and a cover price of $3.99 is far from worth it. If you want to read Angels, you might have better luck just reading a synopsis; It may even be less confusing because I honestly understand very little of what is going on in this comic.

Brendan is Bigmacd101, a writer for the Red Shirt Crew and tired of being thoroughly confused.  He has not yet decided if he will be following the next series in the strain series.  Hunt him down on Twitter at @bigmacd101 if you wanna hear more of the things he says.

Review: The Strain, The Fall #3

I feel like there is just something I don’t understand here. After reading The Strain, The Fall #3, by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan, I think the reason why I didn’t like the first two issues was because they were both setting up for something. Similarly, this comic is setting up for… well something. That’s the thing, it’s very unclear what it is setting up for, which for some leaves the reader in suspense; personally I’m just confused and bored because I find it hard to get excited or suspenseful for something that I don’t really know what it is. I know that there is going to be some showdown to decide the fate of the world, but I’m not sure if I know that from reading the comic or just the summary on the cover.

I’m not going to bore you by rehashing all my other bashing in earlier comics, so I left a link for you if you want to give a quick skim of how twilight is a better vampire story then this comic. I also suspect that the author is reading the blog because there’s about a page of blog bashing, which is not cool by the way. Thankfully, it relieves me of any bad comic reviewing I’ve done for this series.

The main problem is that the voice of the entire comic is far too passive. It’s all about the set-up and the history rather directly addressing the problem at hand. While I don’t agree with the choice of using the “vampires”, it doesn’t change the fact that you have to fight them. That is a very active thing. If I wanted to shoot the breeze and talk about vampire apocalypses and occult and crap, I can do that any time. What I can’t do is freaking fight them. That what I want to read about. Buffy fights them Twilight falls in love with them, all these character do is talk about them.

Not to mention that there is now yet another new character with an unexplained backstory that apparently came in earlier Dark Horse Presents. While it may be a plot to sell more comics (bravo by the way), it sincerely pissed me off. I want to know the current, existing characters! Not to mention after reading this series, I don’t actually want to read anything remotely related to this.

After all the set-up, the last comic better be good. I’m talking shit needs to hit multiple fans from like rebounds and ricochets and crap. I want to see the last comic just so I can know that it’s over. Overall, I would not recommend this, not for $3.99. You’ll probably be fine just reading about the prospective “thrilling conclusion”. If the conclusion is good enough, you might want to go back and read the earlier ones to enhance the experience, otherwise, don’t bother. Lastly, if all blog readers are crazy people like the author says, please be the most awesome crazy people and in the comments section, roll your head on the keyboard and submit that. Over and out.

Brendan is hoping to read something good for his next review, Fingers crossed. Until then can be stalked on the twitter thingy @bigmacd101. Also to do his part for the insanity: ujhhygtfvrvtghyujknhygtfr.

Review: The Strain: The Fall #2

For those of you that read my first review, just know that this one won’t be much better. Needless to say they filled in some plot-holes that came up from the first comic, but it still leaves a lot to be desired. There are certain things I understand cannot be changed at this point plot wise, and credit where it’s due, the authors (Guillermo Del Toro & Chuck Hogan as read on cover) do their best to handle that. The main issue I have at this point is continuity, and style of writing. Otherwise it seems that the second verse is the same as the first in many ways.

As with the first comic, the story looks at many “vampire cliches” without using (what I think are) actual vampires. All this was explained in my previous review, but the plot cliches seen here are a bit different, or at least modified from the ones seen earlier. For example, there’s the age old “elder vampires” punishing those who “lost control” coupled on with the “recruitment of a slayer” to kill for the elders. Put that with the savage tribe in the sewers and the rouge who wants to overcome his affliction and you have your choice of supernatural stories to read before bed. It’s not a bad thing; cliches are used because they work, but not all at the same time.

Another thing I don’t get is why there are still new characters being introduced. I know they got to keep it fresh, but its like they said “lets ignore the 90% of character that didn’t work and throw in some new ones”. The lack of focus on any one character really hurt the first comic for me, but since they didn’t even bother to bring most of them back, I don’t see why I should have cared for any of them, or why I need to care about any of the new ones. Will the bring the original cast back later? or was it just a sentimental anecdote to set the mood for the real story? I have no way of telling. The way that the characters are being over-looked its making it hard to get enthralled in the plot.

The issues I have with this comic are the same as it’s predecessor, and I am unimpressed with the sequel. Similarly, I will give it “would not recommend” because as a series, I don’t see an interest. If you wanted to get into it, you could easily start on this one and ignore the first one, but overall, don’t waste your time, or your $3.99, not until something redeeming comes out.

Bigmacd101 (I’m talking anywhere and everywhere) finally feels like a real red shirt when, for the first time, a comic was reserved for him! Now beware of personal projects (pending approval) coming up, he hopes, soon. Until then, this review has his stamp and he hopes to get some new followers (@bigmacd101… or real life if you know what I look like).

Review: The Strain #1, The Fall

I’m so excited to be reviewing this comic, because unlike my prior reviews, I actually hated The Strain #1, The Fall. Now since this is the first I’ve read of either Guillermo Del Toro or Chuck Hogan, I can’t say that they are by any means bad comic book writers (I mean I could never do what they do), but for entertainment value, this comic can only be described as swing and a miss.

www.darkhorse.com

Let’s start at the beginning. The Comic opens up to this long description of the journey of some sacred occult text that has the feel of a biblical lineage story. It may as well have been written “tablets begot texts, which begot book, which begot fire, which begot murder, which begot…” until we get to the end point of still knowing nothing about this text other than it’s still lost and it is needed to beat this parasite outbreak. In theory the journey would be interesting and worth finding out about if it weren’t in such a passive voice. It is honestly a waste of space that can be summed up in 1 sentence, “The book is important.”

Now that we know the solution to the main problem of the novel, we are introduced to what the actual problem is. Yes, the solution is revealed before the problem. Turns out, the city of manhattan is overrun with vampires. That’s right, another author suckeling from the tit of vampires before it runs dry; on one hand, at least they are staying with trends, and on the other hand, seriously another vampire story?! Well rest assured, you can just cut both hands off. Here’s the definition of a vampire in this comic: a corpse of a human, taken over by a parasite and looks like a zombie, that mindlessly kills with a razor tongue, with no evidence of actually drinking blood, and is only weakness is the sun. No fangs, no consciousness, nothing about the soul, no weakness to the holy. Catering to (and writing for a blog for) a demographic that grew up Buffy, this parasitic bastardization of a vampire is about as bad as Twilight, there I said it.

Moving past that not-actually-a-vampire issue, we reach a city destroyed by riots with rebel group trying to save everyone cause apparently humanity has lost it’s common sense enough to just say “let’s not try to piss off the thing that is killing everyone.” On top of it all, the protagonist has to fight off his late wife who is now infected and his son wants to hug this decaying bloodthirsty corpse of his mother, because nothing says “hug me” like a murderous zombie. So there are these crazy drones that do nothing but kill for no reason and out of nowhere, there is some leader who miraculously held on the his consciousness and has some diabolical plan, but don’t ask me, I honestly have no clue. As far as the rest of characters go, the little developement they’ve been given hasn’t exactly made me like them. They mostly seem belligerent and blindly following some self proclaimed messiah with a sob-story so they can go down in history as being a part of someone who actually did something when everyone else just ran to their deaths.

www.darkhorse.com

But at least the art redeems it some, right? WRONG! Don’t let the cover fool you, the art leaves something to be desired. The simplicity of the art is on such a level that you can’t actually know what someone properly looks like unless their face is the only thing in the frame. This just makes the characters seem all the more generic.

Overall, I would not recommend this comic for $3.99. Even if the series does end up getting better, this piece seems overall unimportant. Not only that, it just wasn’t enjoyable; it lacked some of the key elements to make a comic good: artwork, dynamic characters with development, plot, etc. I hope the next comic redeems this one, until then I would say skip this one and move on to something more worth your time.

Brendan, know in the weberverse as bigmacd101, is so freaking pumped to write his first “would not recommend” review. He’s kinda scared the the authors might read this, so in case you don’t hear from him in a while, it’s probably because he has gone into hiding. He will let you know he’s alive and safe on his twitter (@bigmacd101) so you can sleep easy. 

Review: B.P.R.D. Vampire #3

So far, I’ve been a broken record on B.P.R.D. Vampire. I found both the first and second had the same problem: great setup, but no payoff. For $7.00, I wasn’t sure I could give an unconditional recommendation until I could see the payoff was worth it. Well, I have good news for you: in B.P.R.D. Vampire #3, Mike Mignola, Gabriel Ba, and Fabio Moon have finally delivered on the promise of the series, and it’s totally amazing. Also, vampires! Actual vampires!

This is the issue in which we start to see payoff for all the great set-up that’s permeated the first two issues. After finding themselves stuck in the crypt, our protagonist, Anders, and his companion, Hana, try to find their way out. But while searching for the front door, Anders finds far more than he would have expected, and it becomes clear very quickly that things are not as clear cut as they originally appeared.

One of the things I love about this issue is the character development through action. Yes, action. That thing the first two issues sadly lacked (last time I mention this; I swear). Seeing Anders in tense situations, both in and out of combat, teaches the reader a lot more about his character than could be shown through dialogue and flashbacks. Yes, those tools can teach us a lot about a character, but when the pressure’s on, one’s true character is revealed, so to speak. It’s a balance all writers have to hit, and this issue strikes that balance beautifully. Anders has gone from a character to whom I held no emotional attachment to one for which I am actively rooting, and I’m definitely excited to see what happens next issue as a result.

My favourite part, however, was the way the issue balanced mystery and payoff. In every story, you need mystery to keep things interesting; no one likes knowing everything that’s going to happen before it happens. On the other hand, if you do nothing but shroud your story in mystery, you run the risk of alienating your audience. It’s a delicate balance, and this issue does it perfectly. We see more of what the characters introduced in the first issue truly are while also having Anders fight a vampire in a spectacularly handled fight scene. It’s beautiful payoff that makes me immediately feel justified in my previous investment to the story. But, in a move that only the best of comic writers know how to do well, Mignola, Ba, and Moon use that very same payoff to tease the next part of the mystery. Immediately, I’m sucked in by the very elements that were just used for payoff. It’s brilliant writing, really, and as a sign of what’s to come, I couldn’t be more excited.

Taken from http://www.darkhorse.com

I don’t know what more I can say about this artistic team I haven’t already said in my previous reviews. They’re awesome. Dave Stewart continues his work as one of the best colourists in the business, and Moon and Ba team up for some of the best vampire design I’ve seen in some time. The art does a great job of conveying scale while still paying attention to detail, and both the locations and individuals are handled equally well. Without giving it away, this book contains one of my favourite panels I’ve seen in a while from a purely aesthetic basis. This is truly a great issue all around.

I had my trepidations about this series, but they’re long gone now. This issue achieves the potential I’ve seen in it for so long and then some. I could not recommend it more highly for the $3.50 cover price, and now recommend that you all go out and catch the previous issues if I’d scared you off before. This is something you need to be reading. Enough said.

Chase Wassenar, aka MaristPlayBoy, is the Lead Editor and Founder of the Red Shirt Crew. He is officially naming this his second favourite Dark Horse miniseries behind Amala’s Blade. You can read his other articles at ToyTMA, follow him on Twitter at @RedShirtCrew or email him at theredshirtcrew@gmail.com.

AoaRD #4: Guard for a Day

Every two weeks, Baker Street Holmes tells the story of Urbal gro-Dushnikh, an orc who just wants to be a blacksmith, even though it seems Skyrim has other plans. You can follow his journey through these journal entries with new entries every two weeks. Enjoy!

Flashback     Part One     Part Two     Part Three

25th of Last Seed, 201

The Jarl’s offer turned out to be a selfish one.  He wanted someone to attack a Forsworn camp near by, that is why he offered to make me his Thane.  I told him I’d think about it.  A raid against a Forsworn camp is not a light task.  I believe he may just want me dead.  Regardless it’s not a task I could take on alone.

I set out before the sun rose yesterday morning, headed towards Falkreath and some known Corundum mines.  Walking down from the keep to Markarth’s main gate, I heard guards shouting and came upon a vampire and a couple of it’s thralls.  I saw a vampire the other morning in the wilderness, but with the city walls!  Unheard of!  I steered clear of the fight and only end up leaving town a little later than expected.

I made for Gloomreach, but I had tapped it out of corundum in my last visit so continued on to Greywater Grotto to the South of Helgen, and made at least a little collection there and in some of the surrounding hills.  I passed through Falkreath on the way, but decided to stay at the Sleeping Giant Inn in Riverwood as I had before.  It was closer to my final destination of Whiterun and Falkreath is just so grim.

This morning, I made good time to Whiterun and was able to sort out enough small daggers that I should hopefully be able to prove to Ghorza that I’m ready for her next lesson.  I even got a chance to sharpen my ax and fix the fitting on my armor a little.  Whiterun is charming enough I guess, but ever since the whole thing with the dragon, everyone there is calling me “the Dragonborn”.  It’s obnoxious.  This one little kid kept following me around the whole time.  I hope I don’t have to come back here any time soon.

I’m writing this just after a nice lunch at the Bannered Mare, mercifully hidden away in a backroom away from gawkers, and riding a carriage towards Markarth.  Normally I would loath to take a carriage, stupid, lurching things, but at this point in the day it’s the only way to reach home by tonight and it is the cheapest way to get there.  The driver, a Nord named Bjorlan or Bjorlim or something will not shut up.

Urbal gro-Dushnikh

________________________________________________________________

26th of Last Seed, 201

Another vampire attack in Markarth when I got in last night.  By the time I came in the main gates, one of the guards had already died, so I did what I could to help.  I hate Death Hounds.  This morning one of the guards from last night asked if I’d help in finding out why Margaret was attacked in the market.  That was nearly a week ago, I was surprised they had not resolved it.  They handed me a guards uniform and sent me on my way.

I decided to check the murder’s room in the Warrens, and he had a note from someone who called themselves “N”.  Leaving the warrens a man attacked me, saying to drop the case.  Strangely, not only did the same thing happen when I asked around the Silver Blood Inn, but this time the man that accosted me was a guard.  All signs pointed to Thoran Silver-Blood and the reclusive Nepo, so I figured I’d pay them a visit in that order.

     ***     

Thoran is an ass and in an Orc stronghold, he would have been beheaded years ago.  At first he was uncooperative, but a pair of assassins broke in to kill him, and kill his wife when they got in their way.  can’t say I feel sorry for the man, but at least he was more talkative after he saw it  might cost him his life.  Turns out he and Nepo work for the “King in Rags” a man they call Madanach who organizes the Forsworn from within Cidhna Mine.  Nepo was an ambush, but an Orc nose can smell and ambush a mile away.  His head was rolling across the floor before his little Forsworn housemaid could even get off her first spell.

I followed a note Eltrys gave me the night of the murder, saying to meet him in the Temple to Talos, but when I arrived there he was dead.  Two guards and the local Imperial Legate, Legate Admand, were waiting for me.  They said that I was under arrest for all the murders, as they needed someone to pin it on.  They explained that I wasn’t really supposed to figure any of this out, they just needed it to look like they were investigating.  I am a proud warrior, as all Orcs are, and probably could have taken three random guards on.  But with the Legate, I knew resistance meant death, and I was forced to go.

I’m scratching this on my pick ax with a shiv, in case I get out of here.  I originally started this journal to tell what it’s like for Orcs outside their strongholds.  I’ve been framed for murder.  Because I’m green.

Urbal gro-Dushnikh

________________________________________________________________

To those familiar with Skyrim: no, I did not officially become part of the town guard, I just took the dead guard’s armor.  I wanted a reason to investigate, but in character he would have just left it to the professionals.  So I made him one of the professionals.

Review: B.P.R.D. Vampire #2

In my review of B.P.R.D. Vampire #1 by Mike Mignola, Gabriel Ba, and Fabio Moon, I called the opening issues a slow boil with fantastic art that was worth your money. After reading B.P.R.D. Vampire #2, however, I’m suddenly not sure. My assumption was that the first issue was a bunch of plot exposition so that the action could begin in the second issue and take us along from there. Sadly, the second issue contains just as much exposition as the first, if not more, and after two straight issues of nearly nothing happening, my patience is starting to wear thin.
The issue picks up where the last one left off. After discussing his plans with his boss, Simon Anders heads to Southern Bohemia to investigate a potential location for vampire headquarters. Anders is greeted by Hana Novarov, a member of the Czech Communist party, and she gives him a rundown of the history of the area. When an old woman speaks in cryptic words to Anders, they try to use that information to discover where the vampire rituals take place in the area.

Before I get into my issues with this comic, let’s start with the good. Gabriel Ba and Fabio Moon’s art is once again fantastic. While not given the same artistic freedom they had with that beautifully chilling eight page scene in the first issue, they are able to do a lot with what they have to work with in this issue. The comic is stylized in a good way, standing out from everything else you would find on your comic store’s shelf without that style detracting from the comic. Since the focus is less on the visuals and more on the story, it does a great job of impressing without distracting from what’s at hand.

Also, the characterization is very well executed. Both Anders and Novarov display a lot of personality here, and their conversations feel very natural as a result. It never feels like plot exposition, even when the comic becomes an information dump to the reader. This is, of course, no surprise to Mignola fans, who have, by now, gotten used to his apt presentation of mythology without ever talking at the reader, but it’s nice to see all the same.

Taken from http://www.darkhorse.com

The core problem with the issue is the structure, namely that for the second issue in a row, nothing happens to grab the reader’s attention. There is a ton of atmosphere built, but much of it hits on the same chords that were emphasized in the last issue. And this issue doesn’t even have the “first issue” excuse of the last one. There aren’t even any vampires shown in this issue!

This is sadly an easily fixable problem: the story should have been a four issue miniseries, combining the two issues that have been released into one. It would have been quite simple to do, as there are several pieces that could be condensed or thrown out entirely without detracting from the overall quality of the story being presented. The book suffers from simply having too much time on its hands, and since you can’t get too far without limiting the rises in action for later issues, it’s forced to meander in a way that feels like your time is being wasted.

B.P.R.D. Vampire #2 is by no means a bad book. In fact, it’s quite good. It’s just unfortunate that we’re two issues into a miniseries and there’s yet to be anything that makes me feel as if the investment has been worthwhile. While the issue’s $3.50 cover price isn’t bad, when combining it with the first, you’re essentially paying $7.00 for what is essentially nothing but set-up. As such, I’m giving a conditional recommendation. If you must be the first to know what happens in every Mignola series, go ahead and pick this up, as diehard fans will forgive this incredibly slow pace. But otherwise, the series has yet to present anything that makes it a book that you must buy now. My advice: wait for the paperback when such pacing issues won’t really matter anymore. Because $7.00 is too much for set-up.

Chase Wassenar is the Lead Editor and Founder of the Red Shirt Crew. He’s still enjoying the book, but if something doesn’t happen in the third issue, he’ll…probably just be disappointed. You can read his other articles at ToyTMA, follow him on Twitter at @RedShirtCrew, or email him at theredshirtcrew@gmail.com.

Review: B.P.R.D. Vampire #1

B.P.R.D.: Vampire #1 is the latest effort from Mike Mignola, Dave Stewart, Fabio Moon and Gabriel Ba (Oxford comma purposefully omitted on account of them actually being twin brothers, which is really quite cool when you think about it). It’s another of the flashback stories that the team has been known to do from time to time, allowing them to explore the history of the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense without interfering with the ongoing series. The first issue presented here carries all the artistic weight one would expect from this creative team (remind me to tell you all the reasons Casanova is awesome later), but the story cooks at the slowest boil imaginable, for better and for worse.

Full disclosure: While I’ve read quite a bit of Mignola’s Hellboy books and have a firm grasp on what this universe holds, I haven’t actually read any books from the BPRD series, neither the ongoing nor the flashback series. I did some background research into the main character, but the best I could find was a stub page on the Hellboy wiki. That said, like the rest of Mignola’s books, there appears to have been a conscious effort to make the book new reader friendly, so I don’t think it’s an issue as I review this book.

For once, I’d like to start with the artwork of this book. It’s incredible. If you can’t already tell from the image of the cover, this book has some of the most startlingly beautiful dark imagery you’re going to find in comics today. It’s dark and unsettling, placing you in the perfect mood to read a comic like this, but I also found myself fixated on pages long after I would have usually moved on just to take in everything that was happening. Nearly six full pages are dedicated to the vampire imagery before a word of dialogue is uttered, and with good reason. The art is spot on from beginning to end, and it’s probably worth the price of admission alone.

As far as the story goes…well, there’s just not as much to talk about. As you can guess from a series entitled BPRD: Vampire, there are vampires and agents, and the latter aren’t really big fans of the former. Okay, that’s not being entirely fair. A newly formed vampire is welcomed into the vampire brotherhood by some other vampires that just so happen to already be wearing matching outfits and hairdos (not quite sure how she got the outfit coordination message before finding out who made her a vampire, but that’s admittedly a nitpick). The queen of the vampires is Hecate, whose role matches that of her original mythology as a goddess of necromancy and the undead, though she doesn’t make an appearance in this comic. Also, Agent Anders is having nightmares after the events of BPRD 1948, and decides the only way to make things right is to get revenge on as many vampires as he can kill.

Taken from http://www.darkhorse.com

That’s really it. It’s a ton of set-up that will likely pay off, but there’s not much present in this issue alone. Usually, one would expect an introductory issue to have some big moment that sucks you into the story, then take a breather in issue #2 before diving into the chaos for the rest of the series, but this issue is definitely a slow boil. Don’t get me wrong: it’s a slow boil executed quite well, but I did find myself wishing I had something more to sink my teeth into than what’s been presented. When you get right down to it, there really isn’t much to talk about here. When you buy this comic, you’re buying into what it can (and given the creative team, likely will) be.

If this was any other writer, this would be a conditional recommendation, as fantastic art alone is not enough for everybody, but Mike Mignola and company do the slow set-up better than just about anybody. Yes, there could have been more in this issue, but the art and well executed background information is more than enough to justify the $3.50 price tag. Don’t let the slow boil keep you from buying into this book; you’ll get your money’s worth here.

Chase Wassenar is the Lead Editor and Founder of the Red Shirt Crew. He’s read enough Hellboy to know where this is going, and that alone is quite exciting. You can read his other articles at ToyTMA, follow him on Twitter at @RedShirtCrew, or email him at theredshirtcrew@gmail.com.

Confessions of a (C)overt Nerd…..the first Confession

Hello all! First time writing, in the blog, though not the first time I’ve ever written/ranted/spoken about the various things I will talk about.

Apparently, people who don’t know me all that well are very shocked to discover exactly how much of a nerd I am, or, that I’m even a nerd at all. Yeah, I know, I don’t get it either, but, hey. People are silly sometimes. And I guess I just don’t seem that overtly nerdy?

Well, I decided to take some time every week, to share with you all some of my favorite nerdy things, and also the reasons why I like them. Yes, I’ll admit it. I, Angel in the Mirror, am a nerd. And I have been for several years now (I’ve lost track of how many exactly….but that’s hardly the issue here). So, think of this column as a type of share time…..of a sort. One nerd to another.

Okay, so, today’s confession. Or, share time, if you would. I have one word for you all. Vampires.

Now, before you jump down my throat and bombard me with questions like, “Well, there are so many different types of vampires, which ones are you talking about?” “What about True Blood?” “You’re NOT a Twilight fan are you???” (and then jump onto the requisite negative statements about Twilight) I ask you all to take a deep breath, and take a little bit of a step back and hear me out.

A bit of backstory for you all here. When I was a small child, I enjoyed reading those “Great Illustrated Classics” books. You know, the ones where they took classic books, like Treasure Island, Moby Dick, and Dracula, edited them a bit to be kid friendly, and threw in awesome pictures every 20 pages or so. (Do they still even do those anymore? If not…I feel kind of old. But, not the point.) Well, as I mentioned Dracula on that list, I bet it’s easy to see where my first exposure to Vampires was. Yup. I was probably around 7 or so when I read it, and I was very fascinated by the concept. As I grew older, I got more into various vampire-themed literature, tv shows, movies, universes, what have you. I got very into “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” during its last few seasons, and, thanks to my older brother, I now own most of the show on DVD. Well, the seasons that matter anyway.

Mostly, what I find interesting about vampires are the different interpretations various creators seem to take of the general lore, especially what features stay constant, and what features don’t. I will admit, I’m a little behind on my vampire lore (all the history of Transylvania and Vlad the Impaler and what have you), so forgive me if I don’t talk about that as much. In case you’re not sure about the various changes and differences across stories, that’s all right! Because I’m going to conveniently list and describe some of my favorite vampires in series’ and some of my least favorite.

Since I already mentioned it before, I’ll go ahead and talk about “Buffy” for a bit. It was an interesting series, with its good sides and downsides. General premise, for those who don’t know it. Buffy is the Vampire Slayer (go figure…). Basically, in every generation, there is a single female known as the Slayer. She has all kinds of super strength, and general awesomeness. She uses her slightly superhuman powers to kill vampires, demons, and other general forces of darkness that threaten to overwhelm humanity. Oh, and she’s usually a teenager. Sounds fun, right? Well, as the name would suggest, there are lots of vampires in this show. And, the vampires were certainly relatively standard. They are mobile during the day time, and can venture outside, as long as they remain covered by a thick coat, or a thick blanket or something. They don’t have reflections in mirrors. They drink blood, but for the most part they can eat and drink other foods. And, they die from a stake to the heart, or beheading, or direct exposure to sunlight. They’re also not very good friends with holy water and crosses. Not good friends at all. And, I think on a final note, you have to invite them into your house the first time, but, after invited, then can come in whenever. And they’re pretty strong, so, a simple lock wouldn’t do much to keep them out. There is a spell that can reverse the invitation though, in the event that you didn’t want them in your house anymore. So, all in all, like I said, pretty standard vampires. And Buffy’s a cult classic. It’s a good show for someone who doesn’t know a lot about vampires, but is interested in learning more. And, it’s mostly fun for the whole family….kind of.

Next series I want to talk about, is the True Blood universe, in the original books for now, (I will potentially have a later post comparing the books and the show. Possibly). This is series that I have gotten into in the past few years. The original books, known as the Southern Vampire Series, and True Blood (the TV show) both operate under the same premise: the Japanese invented some type of synthetic blood. Because of that, the vampires have “come out of the coffin” and revealed their existence to the rest of the world at large. They argued that because of the synthetic blood, branded as True Blood, they don’t need to drink human blood anymore, and are no longer a threat to humankind. In comes Sookie Stackhouse, the average waitress at a bar from Northern Louisiana, who just so happens to be a telepath. She meets Bill, a vampire, and is shocked (and quite happy) to discover she can’t read his mind. From meeting him, she moves on to dating him, and then suddenly finds herself completely immersed in vampire culture and society, mostly because all the vampire important people want to use her ability to read minds for some reason or other. There are also other supernatural creatures in this universe, and, she gets involved in their problems too. There are a couple of interesting differences between the mechanics of the vampires: for instance, they are incapable of moving out during the day, if fact they’re usually asleep, or, you know, dead, until the sunsets. Silver is also quite painful to them, though not necessarily fatal. And sadly, they can’t eat any of our food.

There are several things I like about this series. For one: the vampires are publicly acknowledged as vampires. Everyone knows vampires exist. It creates a very interesting dynamic between humans and the vampires, for several reasons. On the one side, there’s a more than slight allegory between vampires and homosexuals. Between the entire issue of vampires fighting for rights and acceptance in mainstream society, and the reaction several churches had to the vampires coming out (in the opening credits of the TV show there’s a church that has on its sign ‘God Hates Fangs.’), and, you know….the whole “coming out of the coffin” terminology…..yeah. Very clear allegory. There’s an antagonist church that creates all kinds of trouble for the vampires, they’re called the Fellowship of the Sun. They hate vampires and everything that vampires stand for. I won’t tell you more about them, because that risks spoilers.
Further reasons the dynamic between humans and vampires in interesting: the issue of feeding. Let’s be honest here…the vampires aren’t going to completely rely on bottled blood for all of their blood needs. Several of the vampires in the series comment on how part of the thrill is the act of drinking the blood from the victim. That being said, there are all kinds of laws in place to prevent vampires from preying on humans: any biting has to be consensual, behind closed doors, and the humans must be legal adults. In case it wasn’t obvious….vampirism, blood, and sex are very closely intertwined, and, sex between humans and vampires happens quite frequently. The desperate humans who seek it out are called ‘fangbangers,’ and the rest of modern society highly disapproves of the behavior.

Now, perhaps the most interesting thing about this series, to me at least, is the other dynamic of the relationship between humans and vampires. In this series, vampire blood has a very powerful effect on humans. When humans take vampire blood, it helps them heal any injuries they may have, gives them a bit more energy and strength, and also acts as an aphrodisiac of sorts, usually making them more attractive as well. Because of all this, vampire blood, in this universe, has suddenly become a very profitable, very expensive, and very illegal black market drug. The older the vampire, the more powerful the blood, but, sometimes people go crazy or die from the blood. Humans who capture vampires for their blood are known as ‘drainers’ and will usually get killed if they’re caught by vampires, or if they lose control of the vampire they’ve captured.

Most of what I like about this series is the interaction and the social side of it. The vampires themselves are also not particularly interesting, but the way they conduct themselves in society, and all of the drama, wheeling and dealings that go on are very fascinating. Plus, the idea of vampires having things to fear from humans is another concept that is well thought out and well established in this series. There are some inherent differences between the books and the show. The show is a bit more……..I guess insane would be a good word, than the books, but both are worth the time. However, if you don’t like books or shows (particularly shows, as it’s an HBO show) with copious amounts of sex in them (most of the books aren’t bad), you should probably avoid this.

Another series I’ve been watching recently is the UK series Being Human. The most noteworthy thing about the vampires in this series, at least to me, is the addiction like aspect of vampirism. The show clearly portrays drinking human blood similarly to being a drug addict. The main vampire of the series actually tries to help his fellow vampires, at one point, go ‘on the wagon’ (yes, they use that terminology), just as he has done. He even creates an AA type group for them.

So yes, there are lots of ways to do vampires, in various series. And to me, most of them have their merits. My biggest problem with Twilight vampires, since, you know, I kind of have to mention it, is the whole sparkling issue. The fact that they’re essentially made of diamonds, which is why they sparkle…..yeah….no….I’m not okay with this.

I leave you all with a final note. There are plenty of series out there that feature vampires in their universes, but the vampires are not *usually* the main focus of the plots. There are two that I will mention in particular, mainly because I will probably feature each of these series in a later post: The Dresden Files, by Jim Butcher, and both series from Cassandra Clare: the Mortal Instruments and the Infernal Devices.

So, that’s one confession off my shoulders. I hope you all enjoyed it; I know I enjoyed writing it.

Angel out!