Darth Vader vs. Mario! Han Solo vs. Marcus Fenix! Darth Maul vs. Gimli! Bane vs. Nathan Drake! It’s Day Four of the Tatooine Region of the Tournament of Champions, and MaristPlayBoy is here once again to break it down.
New to the action? Check out the introduction to the Tournament of Champions here.
It’s our last day of first round of the Tatooine Region, and we have plenty of great match-ups ahead of us! Let’s get right to it.
3. Darth Vader vs. 30. Mario
If you’ve ever picked up a Nintendo controller from any generation of console or handheld, or even just been in the presence of one, you know who Mario is. Mario is one of the first true video game “characters”, and easily one of the most memorable. Originally called Jumpman, and even acting as a villain in early appearances, it wasn’t long until Nintendo fashioned the character into the Goomba-stomping plumber we all know and love. That being said, his only true combat ability is that he can jump. Seriously, he can stomp on enemies by jumping on them. That’s even how he proves he truly is Mario in a couple games. For the sake of giving him some worth, I’m willing to give him his fire suit (easy enough to find a fire flower), which allows him to throw powerful fireballs as well, though his fire is nothing compared to other creatures like Bowser.
I guess what I’m trying to say is: Mario’s not really well made for this tournament, especially given his first opponent. Darth Vader has the distinction of being one of the most notable bad guys in, well, any movie ever. His iconic slick black costume, the perfect voice of James Earl Jones, and the eerie breathing due to his injuries from the prequel trilogy are unmatched. He’s just one of the most memorable characters in popular culture, regardless of your opinion on the Star Wars movies. Oh, and did I mention he ends up being one of the most powerful fighters as well, both as a Jedi and as a Sith? No way a Sith of his talent loses this battle. Darth Vader laughs as he slices Mario in half and advances to the next round.
14. Han Solo vs. 19. Marcus Fenix
Han Solois the other iconic Harrison Ford role appearing in this tournament (Indiana Jones was already eliminated), and he’s another fan favorite in the Star Wars universe. He established himself as a badass by shooting Greedo first (screw what Lucas says; the original movie had Han shooting first, and that’s what I’m sticking with, damn it), and his rebellious, resilient persona, showing no fear even in the face of death, made him the bounty hunter everyone wanted to be.
But that doesn’t make him a good fighter. He’s an amazing pilot, very resourceful, but in a one-on-one fight, all he really has is a blaster. Marcus Fenix, however, is the protagonist of the Gears of War series who’s spent an entire trilogy of games blowing up all sorts of Locusts baddies. His signature gun is an assault rifle with a chainsaw attached to the end. A chainsaw! You really expect me to take Han Solo in a straight up fight? No way. Marcus probably gets shot by a pistol like Han’s as an alarm to wake himself up in the morning. Sorry Han, but Marcus Fenix advances.
3. Darth Vader vs. 19. Marcus Fenix
This really isn’t much of a fair fight. Anyone who’s seen a Star Wars movie knows that guns have almost no effect on Sith or Jedi. It’s as if the Force creates a passive resistance to bullets. Even if the Force doesn’t immediately protect Darth Vader from Marcus’s bullet assault, I’m sure a light saber can block regular bullets, or just disintegrate them, given how well they handle lasers. And while I’d love to see Marcus Fenix try to chainsaw Darth Vader in half, Darth Vader’s too good of a swordsman to be done in by brute force alone. Darth Vader advances to the next round.
6. Darth Maul vs. 27. Gimli
Well, it’s about time a Lord of the Rings character appeared in this tournament; I was starting to worry. Gimli is the dwarf representative in the Fellowship of the Ring who hates elves almost as much as he loves killing people with his ax. Seriously, the guy’s an ax-pert (couldn’t be helped; I’m sorry). He can throw axes at a range or just hack his enemies in half, but there’s no denying his ability to take orcs down with his ax.
Unfortunately, this makes him a one-trick pony, and Darth Maul’s twin light sabers won’t see him as much of a threat. Darth Maul is the main antagonist in Star Wars Episode I, and he’s a downright badass. He was the first Sith (or force user, for that matter) to wield a dual light saber, and his skills allowed him to take out Qui-Gon Jinn. Clearly, he is a devastating fighter one should not take lightly. Gimli may be good, but his ax is not strong enough to withstand the agility, Force powers, and discipline of a Sith lord. Darth Maul advances.
11. Bane vs. 22. Nathan Drake
Oh look: a battle between two characters I hate. Goody.
Nathan Drake is the wise-cracking Indiana Jones ripoff from the Uncharted series that just has the perfect combination of personality traits to make me want to punch him in the face every time he opens his mouth (also, there are varying degrees of white supremacy depending on who you ask). That being said, he’s likely a better fighter than Indiana Jones, given he’s had to get through way more enemies while delivering smug, unfunny wise-cracks (did I mention I don’t like this guy?), so if you’ve never actually played the games, just imagine a more agile Indiana Jones that’s also a better shot, while being much less likable.
Bane, on the other hand, isn’t obnoxious; he’s just boring. Best known for an overrated story arc in which he break’s Batman’s spine, Bane is basically the greatest hitman the world has ever known. He’s incredibly intelligent, insanely strong, and probably the best straight up fighter the world has ever seen, and that doesn’t include his use of the Venom drug that grants him even more strength and superhuman healing capabilities. He may not be that interesting of a character (at least, not in any of the iterations I’ve read), but there’s no denying his battle skills (even I can admit he’s underrated here as an 11 seed). Bane tears Drake’s head off and moves on to the next round.
6. Darth Maul vs. 11. Bane
One of the passive abilities of the Force is the ability to sense your opponent’s next move instinctively. Both Jedi and Sith have incredible reflexes this way, able to dodge bullets and blasters that move more quickly than the eye can trace them while also preparing themselves for their next strike. I tell you this because it’s the biggest reason Darth Maul wins this fight. For Bane to win, he’d have to get close enough to Darth Maul to body slam him, or at least land a heavy punch…and I don’t see Bane being able to do it. Even if he could get close enough without being sliced in the heart with a thrown light saber (remember, healing capabilities are useless if the blow is a killing strike), I don’t think Darth Maul lets him get a hit in, and I don’t see any way Bane can defend himself from a light saber. Darth Maul advances, which means…
3. Darth Vader vs. 6. Darth Maul
That’s right! A Sith vs. Sith final battle! This is a Star Wars fans dream! Unfortunately, there’s not much for me to say, however, because they both have the same basic fighting style. Sure, Darth Vader tends to land slightly stronger blows while Darth Maul is slightly more agile, but at the end of the day, the winner will be the one who is slightly better at all the skills that make a Sith such good fighters. And I don’t think there’s much of a case for Darth Maul over Darth Vader. Darth Maul’s kill sheet consists of Qui-Gon Jinn, which, as I brought up in my Kanto Region Day 3 Article (it’s listed above if you want to check it out) isn’t saying as much as one would think, as we never actually see any evidence that Qui-Gon is that great of a Jedi. Yes, he trained Obi-Wan, but what does Qui-Gon actually accomplish? Nothing (reason #463 why the prequels were a bad idea. Lucas did an awful job of portraying the supposed badassness of Qui-Gon to the extent where I don’t believe it anymore).
Here’s all you need to know. Darth Maul was struck down by Obi-Wan when Obi-Wan was not even a Jedi Knight yet. Darth Vader struck down Obi-Wan at the height of Obi-Wan’s power, and Darth Vader’s power continued to grow from that point. The evidence is already there. Darth Vader advances to the Sweet Sixteen.
So there you have it folks. Darth Vader advances. Agree with my decisions? Want to body slam me into the ground for my picks? Let me know in the comments, and be sure to come back tomorrow when we wrap up the Tatooine Region with three awesome fights. Until then, this is MaristPlayBoy, signing out.
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