GameRx Prognosis: How Brave Wrecked Ralph

In light of the Oscars, I’ve heard many decry the awarding of “Best Animated Feature” to Pixar’s Brave. I’m left speechless in their wake. It’s not that these other movies lack value – after all, they were all well-received enough to be nominated for Oscars. The problem here is a fundamental misunderstanding as to what the Oscars are. I mean, there’s a reason why people call this the annual Pixar Award. Who did you all expect to win? Frankenweenie?

Before we get too far into why certain films succeed and certain films fail, let’s remember why the Oscars exist to begin with. The Academy Awards Ceremony was started in 1928 when MGM established the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS) as a formal organization for the advancement of film as a medium. Thus, the Academy Awards (aka “Oscars”) are awarded annually to films that promote the advancement the medium in varying categories, including direction, production, music, special effects, and so on. Membership in the Academy is honorary and bestowed via invitation from certain powers within the organization. As membership currently stands, there are about 6,000 people who vote on what films earn what Oscars. Roughly 22% of these people are actors, the largest of the voting blocs in the club. Makes enough sense. Everyone else in there is involved for some other reason, whether for direction, writing, philanthropy, or pretty much whatever the hell the powers in the Academy want to do. Makes enough sense.

For our more short and cynical readers, that pretty much means the Oscars are gold trophies chosen by old rich movie stars to give to younger rich movie stars. These awards aren’t really meant for us to enjoy; they’re pretty much the meat and potatoes of Academy politics and blockbuster industry careers. Now that we know this, let’s revisit Brave and consider its reception among the cynically reductionist members of the Academy; a thousand aging men who used to do film, all their friends, some of their friends, and about a thousand actors.

Before moving on to the nominees, let’s think about why the Best Animated Feature award exists. According to Wikipedia, some basic criteria have to be met.

An animated feature is defined by the academy as a film with a running time of more than 40 minutes in which characters’ performances are created using a frame-by-frame technique, a significant number of the major characters are animated, and animation figures in no less than 75 percent of the running time.

That seems straightforward enough. However, the Academy chooses not necessarily the best, most popular, or most technically impressive film. It’s whichever film they feel deserves the reward, which requires a much different state of mind than choosing by any sort of canon. It’s all a very political affair, in addition to looking at why they chose Brave, we should look at why they didn’t choose the other four movies.

While I enjoyed the film, I will not hesitate to admit that Brave has its fair share of shortcomings. The will o’ the wisp was a promising but poorly handled plot device. The gags with the witch’s answering machine kettle, while cute, weren’t consistent with the comedy of the rest of the film. The choices in women’s fashion were ages ahead of their time, and the unnecessary drama over the corset was woefully anachronistic in so many ways that people write entire reviews just about that corset. It’s not flawless. It’s not a new story. However, it is a well-polished piece; solid art direction, great music, and a mixture of drama and comedy that has a pretty wide appeal. However, I think the major points of importance are getting lost behind quibbles of plot holes and  the general arc of the story.The reason Brave gets so much recognition for its rather unoriginal plot is because it is contextually groundbreaking.

As your childhood is probably well aware, Disney pretty much single-handedly invented “fairy tale princess” as genre and film archetype, one that acts as a pretty good litmus test for female protagonists in contemporary western literature. We see the evolution of women’s narrative function from the simple beginnings of a pretty, white damsel in distress in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) all the way to the self-reliant black culinary entrepreneur with interracial love interest we see in The Princess and the Frog (2009). That’s quite a leap for 70 years of cultural change, especially when you consider all the in-between works that experiment with relationships successfully crossing other differences, including race, wealth, social status, artistic talent, ideology, or disability. Disney always manages to push the envelope just a little bit farther each time, going to considerable lengths to empower women in their stories.

However, much to the chagrin of some moviegoers and film critics, the female protagonist has always relied on the financial and emotional support of a male in a heterosexual relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it is definitely the standard to which all of these folk tale inspired stories are crafted. There is scarcely a soul alive who actually remembers a time before the Disney Princess. While the foundations of egalitarianism are old news to younger generations, a lot of these changes in the way we tell stories are actually really big leaps to more people than you’d think. In Brave, we see Merida taking control of her life out of the hands of the leaders of patriarchal Scottish society. That’s a pretty big step forward considering the rest of the Disney Princess genre.

There’s also the added politics that Pixar had to win in a sense. This was the first movie that Pixar had made that wasn’t in it’s original list of movie ideas. Everything from Toy Story to Up was written down in broad strokes in one day where the founders of Pixar first laid the foundations of the company. Brave was something new and different, probing outward into new territory for the first time. If Brave failed to deliver an Oscar, it would be pretty bad news for the studio. It’s not like they’d have to fold, but it would be the first real damper on their otherwise glowing filmography.

But enough about why Brave won. That’s only one half of the puzzle? What about the other movies? Why did they fail?

Well, I’m glad you asked!

The Pirates! Band of Misfits (or The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! just about everywhere else in the world) never really had a chance in the context of this year’s lineup, even as one of the generally well-received Aardman comedies. Films and shorts from Aardman Animations had a pretty good track record with the Academy back in the nineties, earning awards and nominations for their now classic claymation shorts, including Creature Comforts (1989) and The Wrong Trousers (1993) among others. Unfortunately, they just haven’t had the same luck when it comes to their recent forays into the more competitive realm of feature films. Of their four other feature films (excluding this year’s nominee), the only one to be nominated for an Oscar was Wallace & Grommit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005), winning in a baffling victory over Corpse Bride (2005) and Howl’s Moving Castle (2005). The fact that Aardman Animations won that particular Oscar was probably less from narrative content or technique and more from the Academy’s enduring fondness for the titular characters. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I doubt anyone was surprised when The Pirates! returned to port empty-handed.

ParaNorman is a really impressive claymation film from Laika Inc, the same studio that made Coraline (2009) and the stop-motion musical group The California Raisins. The movie dabbles around in a children’s horror story, following the life of a boy named Norman who can see and talk to the souls of the dead. His gift makes him the only one who can save his town from a pack of zombies from a local colonial cemetery. The film was the first to use 3D color printers to sculpt the faces of the characters, giving the characters a surreal smoothness and crisp detail that really made the film stand out from similar pieces. The film also kept a good balance between drama and comedy, contributing to what became a skilled subversion of classic Romero zombie films. Unfortunately for Laika, the Academy doesn’t really do zombies or undead things that aren’t vampires. They bring up uncomfortable questions about life, death, morality, and ethics; that’s some pretty deep stuff for what is ostensibly a children’s movie, which will put some people outside of their comfort bubble. As much as I loved this movie, it didn’t stand a chance if there was going to be any other big player on the table, especially a Pixar flick.

Tim Burton’s Frankenweenie has some of the same problems as ParaNorman in terms of undead narrative devices, but it has a few more things working against it. The movie is actually a remake of an older Disney live-action flick, also called Frankenweenie (1984) and also directed by Tim Burton. Even though the original wasn’t particularly successful (running into controversy causing its release to be shelved until 1992), the Academy probably saw this as double-dipping; giving Burton the award would legitimize remaking your own movies, which is a standard very few people want to see come to fruition. That aside, Frankenweenie could easily be disregarded for any number of reasons. Burton didn’t really try anything new here in terms of style, instead choosing to rehash his now cliche claymation style, featuring sad children with big emotional eyeballs. It used to be quirky and different, but the more of them I see, the more it feels like a overwrought gimmicky tribute to repackage German expressionist film to sell trendy clothes to young teens. Heck, I know I immediately judged the movie pretty harshly when I first heard the name of Frankenweenie. It just felt like the filmmakers were trying to market to a younger audience with…well, a lower maturity standard, so I just wasn’t interested. It’s the same reason I never grabbed a copy of Captain Underpants at the Scholastic Book Sale when I was in elementary school. If the title and premise don’t grab you, you don’t have to watch it. Capital idea!

Ooh boy, here’s where the feelings get hurt. I don’t know how to put this lightly: Wreck-It Ralph was at no point destined for an Oscar. I don’t care how much you hated Brave. I don’t care how much you love video games. This  movie was nominated because it was made by Disney, and that’s the cold, hard truth. Don’t take this the wrong way, though; Wreck-It Ralph is a great video game movie. If anything, this is exactly the sort of movie we needed to negate the box office flop that was Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010) to show that game culture is profitable. Just about the only people in the world that could pull enough weight and pour enough capital into that hole for a good bounce back are associates or subordinates of Disney. To put it bluntly, the problem is that no one at the Academy gives a crap about video games – and honestly, we pretty much have to accept that. People like different things, and it’s not exactly breaking news that old people like old things and young people like new things. Video games have been a constant in our lives and are thus a keystone to our  development as a generation. We can’t force Roger Ebert to like games just as much as he can’t force us to like foreign art films.

Sound familiar?

Being disappointed that your favorite movie didn’t win the award is acceptable. Justifying your disappointment with anger against the winner is not.

Doc Watson is one of three editors for The RedShirt Crew Blog. His favorite Disney Princess will always be Emperor Kuzco. Feel free to validate his internet existence by posting a comment or sending a tweet to @DocWatsonMD.

Hogwarts Region: Day One (Edited)

Voldemort vs. Captain Barbossa! Joker vs. The White Witch of Narnia! Dr. Doom vs. Ike! Majin Buu vs. Ness! It’s the start of a new region in the Tournament of Champions, and MaristPlayBoy is here to break down all the action.

New to the action? Check out the introduction to the Tournament of Champions here.

Kanto Region: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5

Tatooine Region: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5

There are some great match-ups today, so lets head to the Hogwarts region and get right to it!

1. Voldemort vs. 32. Captain Barbossa


Captain Barbossa is the main antagonist of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, only to be resurrected in Dead Man’s Chest so he can be a protagonist in At World’s End. At times like this, I’ve learned to just go with it, and I suggest you do as well. This is all you need to know: he’s a slightly above average pirate with no formal training and no freedom to perform any trickery given the established Final Destination stage battleground. There’s a reason he’s a thirty-two seed, people.

Lord Voldemort, on the other hand, is the Dark Lord of the Harry Potter universe who serves as the most powerful force of evil in the world. He is incredibly intelligent, to the extent that even Dumbledore acknowledges the Dark Lord’s knowledge is more extensive than any wizard alive, and was the most brilliant student Hogwarts had ever seen. Once you factor in his incredible power and sheer ruthlessness, it’s pretty easy to see who will win this fight. You-Know-Who advances.


16. Joker vs. 17. The White Witch of Narnia


This match-up is the one most affected by the location. The Joker is arguably Batman’s greatest villain. A true force of chaos, his trickery is unpredictable, yet always well thought out. He’s an insanely good escape artist, can keep up in hand-to-hand combat with Batman, and has a ton of gadgets that allow him to set traps. But as I stated before, the stage doesn’t really give Joker the freedom to do much sneaky planning. Much like Ezio, his battle plans are incredibly limited here, and that does limit his power.

Jadis, more commonly known as the White Witch of Narnia, is the main antagonist of the first five Narnia novels, and is an incredibly powerful magic user. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have her magical powers in any realm other than Narnia, so having to travel to Hogwarts for this battle really hurts her here. She still has superhuman strength (she can bend iron bars), but I think Joker’s agility will allow him to dodge most attacks, and Joker’s trickiness will allow him to use the White Witch’s strength against her. I think it will be a great fight, but in the end, the Joker is the smarter fighter, and his ability to adjust on the fly and manipulate his opponents will give him the slight edge here…


1. Voldemort vs. 16. Joker


…Not that it matters given his opponent here. Any gadgets Joker would want to use here would break down in the presence of magic (I call this the Jim Butcher Doctrine) and he’d never get close enough to engage in hand-to-hand combat. Once you consider Joker is likely nuts and therefore definitely has no mental resistance, Lord Voldemort becomes the easy pick here. The Dark Lord advances.

8. Dr. Doom vs. 25. Ike


Ike is incredibly underrated in this tournament. He’s an incredible swordsman from the Fire Emblem series with a sword, Ragnell, that’s been blessed by the goddess. He has been able to take out the most powerful enemies of the Fire Emblem universe, and he is strong enough to use his two-handed sword with only one hand. He’s a badass, and he deserves more credit than a lowly 25 seed.

That said, he’s not Doctor Doom. Doctor Doom, the main villain of the Fantastic Four and one of the most prominent villains in the Marvel universe. He’s more intelligent than even Reed Richards, and he has the ability to steal other people’s superpowers with his scientific advancements. He has has been tutored by Morgan Le Fey in mystical capabilities, to the point where he can shoot energy beams from his hands, create protective shields, and summon hordes of demons. And this doesn’t even get into his armor, which augments his strength to superhuman levels. It’d be a different story if Ike could get close enough to land a blow with his sword, but given Doctor Doom’s ranged abilities, I highly doubt that would be the case. Doctor Doom moves on.


9. Majin Buu vs. 24. Ness


Ness is the protagonist of Mother 1 and 2 (known as Earthbound stateside), and he’s a psionic champion. His psychic abilities allow him to control just about every weapon imaginable. He has very strong damage resistance, as well as more resilience (here represented by hit points). His psi abilities are incredibly powerful, though they do cost him a lot of energy. For a child, he’s a opponent that should not be taken lightly.

Majin Buu, an antagonist from the Dragonball universe, takes everything lightly, but there’s no reason for him not to given his incredible power. He can mimic any physical attack just by viewing it once, and can instantly regenerate from every bodily wound, though he can be injured easily. He’s basically capable of defeated any physical opponent…

…but Ness isn’t a physical opponent. His greatest moves are all psionic, and Majin Buu has no defense against psionic powers. He can’t mimic them. He can’t heal from them, because you can’t regenerate from mental damages. Majin Buu is probably the better overall fighter, but the seeding here screws him over. Ness advances in a major upset.

8. Doctor Doom vs. 24. Ness


As I said before, Ness is really a one-note fighter. His psychic powers are incredible, but he is just a little kid. He’s not going to much of a physical fighter. Doctor Doom can protect himself from psionic attacks with his energy shields, and he’s far more physically powerful than Ness. Doctor Doom moves on.

Which leads us to our final battle of the day:

1. Voldemort vs. 8. Doctor Doom


Edited: The original breakdown for the Voldemort vs. Doctor Doom match had Doctor Doom winning in an upset. Looking back at my breakdown with a fresh(er) set of eyes, I’ve decided to change the outcome of this battle. My reasoning is below:


This is yet another example of how the Jim Butcher Doctrine determines the course of so many battles in this tournament. Sure, Doctor Doom has magical capabilities that allow him to defend himself against Voldemort’s attacks, at least for a time, but the only way he could gain an advantage is with a physical strike (which, while difficult due to Voldemort’s apparation and flying abilities, isn’t impossible to imagine). However, if he got close enough to Voldemort to be able to attack physically, his power suit would break down due to magical interference, and he’d lose his augmented strength and damage resistance. Without a physical advantage, the battle has become one of pure magic, and I think we all know who the better magic user is in this tournament. Doctor Doom would last longer than one might expect, but Voldemort will advance to the Sweet Sixteen.

Agree with my choices? Wish to strike me down with a cruciatus curse? Let me know in the comments, and be sure to come back tomorrow as I break down epic fights. Until then, this is MaristPlayBoy, signing out.

Tatooine Region: Day 2

Carnage vs. Davy Jones! Altair vs. Dean Winchester! Goku vs. Kirby! Zelda vs. Meta Knight! Which of these fighters will join Obi-Wan in the Sweet Sixteen? MaristPlayBoy is here to analyze the match-ups.

New to the action? Check out the introduction to the Tournament of Champions here.

Kanto Region: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5

Tatooine Region: Day 1

Another day, another great group of fights ahead of us. Let’s get right to it!

4. Carnage vs. 29. Davy Jones

The Davy Jones appearing in this tournament is the swashbuckler from the Pirates of the Caribbean. By all accounts, Davy Jones is probably overpowered for this tournament, as he is a brilliant swordsman, has claw hands that can cut swords in half, can teleport at night and, minor detail, is immortal. He only has two weaknesses, and I don’t know how that would play in here. He’s not technically allowed to come onto land, which means he couldn’t even participate in this land-based tournament (No, I’m not making Carnage fight on a ship in the Dune Sea. That’s bull. Everyone else fought on the Final Destination stage; so can Davy Jones). So I’m going to fudge his abilities a bit and say that if he comes onto land, he loses his immortality, therefore allowing him to fight in the tournament and not making him impossible to kill. Fair? Good, moving on. He’s still a skilled swordsman and incredibly strong, so he’s still pretty undervalued as a 29 seed. It would take one heck of a beast to take him down.

Too bad then that his first round opponent is Carnage, the most badass of beasts the Marvel Universe may have ever seen. Much like Venom, Carnage is a symbiote that has enhanced the abilities of Cletus Kasady, a man whose view of the world has shaped this creature into a one monster force of chaos and destruction. He has the agility and reflexes of Spider-Man with strength greater than Venom and Spider-Man combined. He can form weapons with his webs (or mutate his own form to do the same thing), engage in psychic warfare with symbiotic tendrils can even fly. Carnage is the greatest of beasts, pure and simple, and his ability to rip enemies to shreds is almost unmatched. You deserved better than you got, Davy Jones, but you don’t stand much of a chance against Carnage. Carnage advances.

13. Altair vs. 20. Dean Winchester

Dean Winchester is one of the central protagonists from Supernatural. He’s a proficient marksman, adept with martial arts and knife fighting, is incredibly intelligent, and is basically a modern day assassin. Honestly, reading his skill set makes me almost wish he was the main character in the Assassin’s Creed series instead of Desmond “I have absolutely nothing that makes me significant or memorable in any way” Miles. Hell, he’s even learned some basic magic after spending some time in hell (the show is weird). I was originally going to make a joke here about how he was overrated given I’d never really gotten into the show, but looking at his skill set, he might possibly be underrated. I know; I’m shocked too.

Altair Ibn La’Ahad is a Palestinian Assassin, and the main protagonist for the original Assassin’s Creed game. Remember everything I said about Ezio back in my analysis of Kanto Region Day 2? Same applies here (if you don’t remember, I keep the links at the top of every article for a reason :P). He’s a good swordsman, but his skills are really in the sneaky side of the spectrum, which doesn’t work well when the stage is a flat surface with no real distinguishable land features. It also doesn’t help that Dean Winchester has those same skills, but can also shoot guns. Dean takes the upset this round, but…

4. Carnage vs. 20. Dean Winchester

…There’s no way in hell be survives this fight. I mean, it would be worth the price of admission just to watch Dean try everything he can to take down Carnage, only to realize that guns, knives, and even holy spells have no negligible effect on him. Really, Carnage is salivating at the thought of this fight, and he’ll advance easily.

5. Goku vs. 28. Kirby

How does one properly rank Kirby? Kirby, if you don’t know, is the most adorable creation Nintendo has probably ever made. A pink ball of fluff, Kirby is able to fly into the air, suck up his opponents, and spit them out. But doing so gives him that creature’s powers. In Super Smash Bros., the opponents emerge from this process after taking minimal damage as Kirby takes one of their basic moves, but in the games, thats a way Kirby defeats a significant portion of his enemies. And that doesn’t take into consideration the way his powers changed completely in Kirby’s Epic Yarn (he could turn into a tank made of string! Like I said, adorable). We’ll have to assume Super Smash Bros. rules, otherwise Kirby is impossible to beat…

…but that means someone like Goku, who is an incredibly skilled martial artist from the Dragonball series of anime and manga, can basically kick the puff out of this fluffball. I mean, really, Kirby might be able to fly, but so can Goku when he uses the Air Dance Technique, so that’s not really an escape. Also, Kirby’s small size means he’s really easy to hit around, and Goku can pack quite a punch, even if he’s not allowed to go into Super Saiyan mode (see the introduction for an explanation). Also, kamehameha. ‘Nuff said. Goku advances.

12. Zelda vs. 21. Meta Knight


Zelda is the titular princess of the Legend of Zelda games, though not the protagonist (which is, of course, Link. Apparently, saving Hyrule time and time again isn’t noteworthy enough to get a game named after you). In many games, she ends up getting kidnapped by Ganon (typical Nintendo princess stuff), but she’s not a complete damsel in distress like her counterpart, Princess Peach. Zelda has some magical powers, including teleportation, telepathy, and precognition, though the latter only in small quantities. She can cast basic spells of protection, and she even has an alter ego, Shiek, in which she displays agility and knife throwing proficiency. Clearly she can hold her own.


Meta Knight is much more of an enigma in Dreamland, as he has gone back and forth as an ally and enemy of Kirby. What we do know about Meta Knight is that he has a magical sword known as the Galaxia sword that is incredibly powerful with which he is very proficient, he has a dimensional cape that allows him to teleport, shroud himself, and fly for short distances as they turn into wings, and has a code of honor that prevents him from just outright killing people. This fight is a tough one to call, as neither character has a truly definitive list of abilities, and their Super Smash Bros. personas are really all we know for sure. Just going from that game, however, Meta Knight’s agility and quickness with his sword are more effective in combat than either Shiek’s relatively weak throwing knives or Zelda’s fireball spell. It could go either way, but I’m going with Meta Knight as the better fighter here.


5. Goku vs. 21. Meta Knight


Goku’s kamehameha is an energy attack that can obliterate weaker opponents. His spirit bomb ability is even more powerful. Meta Knight is the same size as Kirby, and roughly as easy to knock around. I’m sorry, but I don’t see Meta Knight having much of a chance. Sword or no sword, anything from Dreamland is just a punching bag for a saiyan like Goku. Goku advances easily, which means…


4. Carnage vs. 5. Goku


I’ve gone back and forth on this one a few times, but at the end of the day, I think Carnage wins this one on a single factor: Goku’s abilities take too damn long to work. A kamehameha has the ability to destroy the Earth when fully charged, but it takes two-three episodes to fully charge (why the enemies stand back and let him do that, I’ll never know). Spirit bomb is even more powerful, but takes even more time to use. Do you really think a bloodthirsty, savage beast like Carnage is going to give Goku the time to use these abilities? Didn’t think so either. Sorry, Goku, but Carnage is more powerful, and more resistant to damage in a one-on-one fight, and he won’t give you the time to show him your energy blasts. Carnage joins Obi-Wan in the Sweet Sixteen.


Agree with my decisions? Think I’m betraying everything you knew and loved about your childhood by not siding with your favorite character? Let me know in the comments below. We’ll have more great fights tomorrow, but until then, this is MaristPlayBoy signing out.

Kanto Region: Day 3

Qui-Gon Jinn vs. Luigi! Scorpion vs. Lucas! Mace Windu vs. Captain Jack Sparrow! Predator vs. Gravemind! It’s Day 3 of the tournament of Champions: Kanto Region. Which challenger will rise above the competition? MaristPlayBoy analyzes the match-ups.

If you missed the introduction, click here.

Kanto Day 1

Kanto Day 2

So many match-ups, so little time. Lets head back to the Kanto Region and get these matches started.

2. Qui-Gon Jinn vs. 31. Luigi

Before I get into this match-up, I have to establish a new rule: No Star Wars Expanded Universe. I’m sorry; I know this is going to ruffle the feathers of quite a few Star Wars fans who can say, “But Chase, in the third book of the Jedi Apprentice series…” Nope, not doing that. I hate to break this to you, but any time fans start writing about their favorite characters, they become vastly overpowered. Luke Skywalker is the biggest victim of this, but all of the Jedi, and main villains like Darth Vader, get this treatment. It happens with every series, and it doesn’t mean the books are bad, just that they’re not good for this tournament.

Not that it matters with Qui-Gon Jinn, as my research indicates that the only noteworthy achievement he has as a Jedi is training Obi-Wan Kenobi and discovering Anakin Skywalker. He’s still a Jedi, though, which is more than enough to take out Luigi, the unfortunate brother of the much more famous and successful Mario. So what we have here is a two-seed entirely on reputation fighting one of the most useless characters in video game history (when the peak of your power involves you sucking ghosts through a vacuum, you’re useless. Sorry). Qui-Gon Jinn advances easily in a match about which no one cares.

15. Scorpion vs. 18. Lucas

Unless you’re a big fan of the Mother series of RPGs and have imported the games from Japan, you likely only know of Lucas from Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and that was just a palette swap of Ness. In reality, Lucas has a much different move set…and is far more useless in battle as a solo fighter. He’s the main healer of his party, as well as general assist moves that buff or protect his allies. He has some strong Area of Effect spells, but in all honesty, he’s just not much of a fighter.

To me, this is a shame, because it means everyone will now go back to forgetting this awesome game series exists because Scorpion, an undead ninja, will rip him to shreds. This is really no contest. Scorpion is widely regarded as one of the best and most iconic fighters from the Mortal Kombat series, and he’s a downright badass in his own right. Again, undead ninja. I cannot hand this victory to Scorpion quickly enough. Fighter beats healer in a one-on-one every time.

(Still love you, Lucas)

2. Qui-Gon Jinn vs. 15. Scorpion

Qui-Gon Jinn’s most notable moment in the entire movie series is his death. He dies while facing Darth Maul in the first movie. We spent the entire opening act being toldhe’s a badass that trained Obi-Wan, who we know to be a badass, and he can’t defeat the first real challenge he faces? I don’t know about you, but I was incredibly disappointed when I saw this happen. Hell, even if I did include the extended universe, he hasn’t really defeated anyone of note. One rogue apprentice is not much of a rap sheet, Qui-Gon.

Scorpion, meanwhile, has slaughtered countless opponents and justified his presence as a boss in several games of the series. He’s not unbeatable, but given my addendum that fighters get to use equal levels of tech… I don’t see any reason to not pick Scorpion in the upset. He’s a ruthless killer with nothing but vengeance on his mind, and I don’t think Qui-Gon Jinn is the man to stop him. It will be close—even the most overrated Jedi is still a Jedi, after all—but I take Scorpion in this one. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to prepare my barricades for when the Star Wars fans find this article.

(…Almost ready…)

(…Final touches…)

Ok, I think I’m safe. Next match!

7. Mace Windu vs. 26. Captain Jack Sparrow

Oh good. I can make it up to Star Wars fans almost immediately. Mace Windu is awesome. He’s one of the main leaders of the Jedi forces in the Clone Wars, he defeated Jango Fett, and had Anakin not shown up and ruined everything, he would have defeated Darth Sidious. Unlike Qui-Gon, Mace Windu proved his awesomeness in the movies themselves, and for that reason, he’s always seemed more powerful, at least in my eyes.

Captain Jack Sparrow is, well, Johnny Depp as a drunken pirate. This is a ridiculous seed to give him. I mean, this seeding implies he’s more powerful as a fighter than Blastoise and Charizard, and if you believe that, I’m going to have to ask you to step outside. Honestly, he’s a decent sword fighter, but he’s no Jedi. Mace Windu doesn’t even break a sweat.

10. Predator vs. 23. Gravemind

Every tournament needs a good alien vs. alien battle, and we’re lucky enough to have one in the first round. The Predators are the main villains of the Predator series that many know from the Alien vs. Predator movies. They are damage resistant, able to shake off multiple gunshot wounds with ease. They are also much stronger than a standard human. However, much like Ezio Auditore suffered due to the environment, Predator is substantially weakened by his inability to take advantage of his environment. He’s a true hunter, and most of his abilities reflect his ability to stalk and kill his prey (ergo, Predator). Because we’re on a Final Destination stage, Predator doesn’t have the same opportunities to take out his opponents that he usually would, but he’s still strong in his own right.

While only one ever exists in the Halo games, Gravemind is the final stage of Flood evolution. It is a massive monster with tentacles and a scary level of intelligence. It acts as a collective mind, controlling the Flood through its thoughts. It has only one goal: consume all intelligent life in the world, and at 80 meters tall, there are few that could stand up to it. Regardless of the fact that most people hate the Gravemind as a concept, I don’t see any way for Predator to win this battle the way it’s set up. Gravemind’s incredibly powerful, and Predator doesn’t have the room to work within his environment to take him out in this case. Gravemind advances, which means…

7. Mace Windu vs. 23. Gravemind

Don’t worry; Gravemind gets defeated here easily. A Jedi light saber will slice through that tower of corpses, regardless of its insane height. Since Gravemind can’t call for any flood allies, it’s up to him alone to take out Mace Windu, and Mace Windu is too agile to be hit too badly. He’d be able to get enough sword strikes in to get some serious force power, and in the end, I think that will be enough to win the day. This leads to our final battle…

7. Mace Windu vs. 15. Scorpion

Scorpion may be a badass, but we’ve seen Mace Windu command armies against the forces of Count Dooku and emerge victorious. Scorpion is driven by his anger and lust for revenge, and Mace Windu is simply too cunning to be sucked in by this. Now, many of you may be wondering why I give Mace Windu the win here so readily, but Qui-Gon Jinn was cast aside. Simple answer: from movie universe alone, I think Mace Windu is the better fighter. One on one, I’d take Mace Windu. Every time. I’ve seen him beat Sith more powerful than Darth Maul, and Qui-Gon Jinn could not. Scorpion might have just edged out Qui-Gon Jinn on brute force alone, but I have confidence in Mace Windu’s ability to win this bout. Mace Windu advances to the Sweet Sixteen!

Agree? Disagree? Want to burn my house to the ground in rage that Qui-Gon Jinn was eliminated? Let me know in the comments what you guys think, and be sure to tune in tomorrow for Day 4’s action from the Kanto Region in the Tournament of Champions. Until then, this is MaristPlayBoy, signing out.