On the Virtues of Squirrel Girl

I am a huge Marvel comics fan.  If you don’t know that, it is likely because you have never had a conversation with me.  But there is a character amongst my favorites that I suspect many of you have never heard of, a bit of a company joke for Marvel: Squirrel Girl.

Okay, okay, so not exactly the kind of name you expect for a major superheroine.  Then again, I never said she was a main hero, did I?  Brief background: Doreen Green, 14-year old mutant who’s powers include: prehensile tail, buck teeth that can chew through wood, claws, and speaks fluent squirrel.  Squirrelese?  Squirrelic?

Not convinced?  I don’t blame you.  She sounds like a bit of a lame character, I know.  There is one other hypothesized power she might have, though it is purely speculation.  Even within the Marvel universe there are those who believe she has the mutant ability to never lose.  It might seem like one of the less possible powers for someone to develop (how would that even work?), but if the Scarlet Witch can consciously manipulate probability, this could just be a passive version of that same probability manipulation.

And it’s not like she never loses, but only fights street thugs, random gang members and muggers.  Let’s run a tally, shall we:  Doctor Doom (twice), The Mandarin, Fin Fang Foom (that’s right, a fucking dragon), MODOK, Thanos, Deadpool (twice), Pluto (yes, the Roman god of death), and Wolverine (in hand to hand combat none the less).  In fact, Deadpool considers her amongst the major heroes of the Marvel universe, on par with Iron Man and Thor.  What NOW?

All that being said, she is still, in the end, a joke character.  She was introduced to make the comics more light hearted in the early ‘90’s when comics were beginning the so called Iron Age responsible for the grim comics such as the Watchmen, Spawn and Wolverine as a solo character.  She takes jobs as a nanny for superheroes like Luke Cage.  She collects Marvel character trading cards.  She keeps a utility belt of treats for her squirrel friends literally referred to as her “nut sack”.

I love a great many Marvel characters: Iron Man, Gambit, Captain America, Colossus, Storm, and many others.  Squirrel girl will always be amongst those favorites.  She’s a successful hero, who, despite getting the shortest straw of almost any hero in the Marvel universe still finds some way to kick ass.  Mock her and make fun of her powers all you like, but in the end, you can’t help but give her the respect she’s due.

Lauding: Baker Street Holmes