Shrek the Third Review

Usually, I would write something somewhat witty here, but I really fucking hate this movie, and the Patriots lost, so so it’s even worse. Just…enjoy the video. It’s Schadenfreude-tastic!!!

Sinapsis Congelado

Evenin’ Travelers! It’s your favorite writer here, now posting on Sundays! On time! There have been tremors of change running through the office here, it’s rather unsettling. I mean, we’re so professional now, it actually hurts inside. A good hurt.
Travelers, I’m gonna be straight with you. My passion is video games, and that’s what my articles are going to be about from now on. If video games aren’t your cup of tea, my fantastic fellow writers proffer a veritable feast of miscellaneous nerd topics, so you’ll find something you love on the fancy-schmancy sidebar.

On point, I’d like to talk about a recent favorite game of mine, which I have mentioned here on the blog before. Frozen Synapse! It’s a wonderland for strategy fanatics. The idea behind the gameplay is essentially: assemble the strategy concepts behind engaging semi-futuristic modern squad combat games, set it in the third person, and strip down the visuals to what I term ‘n30n l4z0r w4rf4r3’ without losing the vitality and tense chess game of squad warfare. In both the single player and multiplayer modes, you, the fearless third-person semi-omniscient strategy genius control little green soldiers that fight little red soldiers controlled by your mortal enemy. While you don’t have to pull the trigger for most of your soldiers, like in the fps genre, it comes pretty darn close, as you tell your soldiers when to shoot, who to shoot, where to aim, when to duck, focus, and run, all to overwhelm an enemy with similar resources trying to do the same thing.

You start the game out in the tutorial, which will give you a rundown of the rhythm of the game, how to use your different units (machine gun, shotgun, sniper, grenade launcher, rocket launcher), and acquaints you with your ill-tempered guide, Belacqua. From then on you’re free to continue with the campaign (which I am not finished, like a bauss), play against computers (which are a thoroughly beatable, but fun, diversion), play against random people on the internet (some are great, some are great at losing), or play (LAN!) against your friends (and family) who will likely not be your friends anymore (this gets intense really quicly). Campaign puts you through a fairly intriguing storyline, which may seem a little light (it’s just a string of skirmishes with subtitle dialogue, fun but a bit cheap feeling, I’m afraid) but still, it’s well written. I have no back-breaking issues with it, because the feature presentation for your price of admission is obviously the spot-on multiplayer.

Multiplayer offers you games against people you know (friends list), or random players (who bombard you all the time if you don’t turn the notifications off). There are four game modes: extermination, secure, disputed, hostage, and charge. You can enter into a random match in these modes, which generates a random map with a random squad of units for you (you usually get a missle, a gunner, and two shotguns) to pit against a relatively equal opposing squad. Lo, the lawd Skyler said thou travelers shalt concern thyselves primarily with extermination. And he found it good. In extermination, you can play no fog of war, or a fun fog of war twist where there’s only light inside cover. Both are fun for the obvious strategic conniving inherent in knowing your opponent’s moves or being in the dark, but the ability to plan out every scenario with your opponents units and yours makes light extermination (no fog of war) my favorite. You complete all of your strategic moves on your own time, and so does your opponent, and then the game puts them all together, you watch the results (what actually happened, not just your fragile predictions) and then you make another move on your own time, a bit like play by email. The game will actually send you an email if you like that. I do. Some complain about unbalanced random maps (when I’m losing, myself included), but when you can win out of a really tough position, getting to rub in your victory is simply sublime…

Cheers, Travelers, I’d say wait for a Steam sale to get this game, but then again I say that with every game.

SYNOPSIS!

Evaluation: 4.3/5
El Bueno: Shootin’ laz0r-y bullets at friends and enemies in tense distilled multiplayer squad strategy.
El Mal: Bit of a diamond in the rough? I get the funny feeling it could be that much better with a streamlined interface to hand you the good parts. The interface as it is… is rather utilitarian.
Get it?: Yes! Regular price gives you two copies, one for you and one for a rival.
Got it?: Yes, yes I have.
Good.: …Yes, yes it is.

Steampunk Adventure Lit

Today’s post is pretty fun. I’m going to talk about two different series.

I first picked up Garth Nix’s Mister Monday when I was approximately fourteen. (I briefly talked about Garth Nix in a previous article, Beach Break Reading List.)

Mister Monday is the beginning of his well known series entitled “Keys to the Kingdom”. This is basically a bildungsroman (coming of age story) for a young boy named Arthur, who at first is weak/has asthma, typical unlikely hero. But all that changes when he is bestowed the lesser half of Mister Monday’s great Key.

In the mythology of the books, a mysterious place called the House (which can only be seen by certain entities) is the center of all reality. It was designed by the Architect, who died a long time ago. The Architect left behind a Will, which says that each of the seven domains of the House may be ruled over by advisors until the next Architect comes of age…etc etc.

Each of the denizens in charge of a domain has a great and powerful Key (Hence Keys to the Kingdom) which Arthur must reclaim because the advisors have become corrupted by power. Each one is named for a day of the week: Moster Monday, Grim Tuesday, Drowned Wednesday, Sir Thursday, Lady Friday, Superior Saturday, and Lord Sunday. These also serve for the titles of the seven book series.

Interestingly, I read somewhere that these villains are meant to represent the seven deadly sins. If you read this, see if you can figure out which is which.

Anyway, the story is fascinating and has a lot of interesting philosophy behind it (which I always approve of in children’s literature). The workings of the House are in fact, quite steampunk, which is why it makes this list. There’s lots of clocks and cogs and gears and all sorts of fun stuff like that.

Garth Nix really does a lot of awesome stuff with this series, and the ending is definitely satisfying. So I recommend reading. Definitely.

Now on to the second series I wished to mention, The Hungry City Chronicles by Phillip Reeve, starting with Mortal Engines.

The world of this story is very different. In a future where cities move around on gigantic treads and larger ones devour smaller ones for parts and fuel, London is a superpower. It roams the Great Hunting Grounds (once Europe) in search of prey. But all of this is only the setting for a very disturbing murder mystery.

This also contains some awesome steampunk aspects like the blimps (there’s always a blimp). Just the concept itself is very steampunk. The story is fun and the characters are good. It’s been a while since I read it, so I can’t really remember much other than that it was worth it. And now there’s a series after it, so I’m gonna work on reading those too.

Anyway, these authors definitely know their stuff. Garth Nix is a favorite, and Reeve also does quite good work. Check ’em out.

Have a lovely Saturday.

JV out.

Red Shirt Podcast #12: RETRO GAMES

So, since it’s Friday, you’re probably wondering where my video review is of Shrek: Forever After. Well, let me clarify three things:

1. I’m reviewing Shrek the Third first for reasons I will explain in my video review.

2. I’m actually using screen capture footage in my videos for the first time, so it’s taking a bit longer to get the script situated. It will be the funniest yet, I promise.

3. Jason’s And That’s Shakespeare episodes are easily some of the funniest content this blog will probably ever produce. I can’t compete with this. Seriously, if you haven’t seen them, do so. Now. This will wait.

That being said, we had a jolly good time on our podcast this week. We took a trip down memory lane as we remembered the retro games that made up the early gaming years of our childhood. Just for your information, we put the retro game cut-off at the introduction of the N-64 and Playstation (about 1996), because we have separate podcasts prepared for those days.

Well, that’s a lot of introduction. Here are the videos. Hope you enjoy!

And That’s Shakespeare: Episode 2 – Twelfth Night

A recommendation

If you live anywhere near me, you’ve probably noticed the uncommonly pleasant weather these days. This time last year we were stumbling through snowdrifts, but right now you can go outside in a light sweater. I almost miss the usual wintry chill, but I’m taking this summery stint as a sign: we should get outside more.
So I’ve been spending a lot of time outdoors these days, and it got me back to thinking, as I do every so often, about the relationship between technology and the environment in our lifestyles. And I’m increasingly sure there’s way too much of the former and not enough of the latter.
It’s not as if the two are mutually exclusive. Of course you can use a cell phone to call for help or find your way home if you’re lost in the woods, and we’re getting better at technology that actually helps save our environment, with regards to energy and waste disposal and the like. It’s nearly impossible to argue against the kinds of technology that make living easier – cell phones, computers, the Internet, Facebook. Video calling. Digital music. Digital anything. It would be idiotic to crusade against faster communication, better freedom of information, or more efficient file storage. But I can’t help thinking there are some adverse effects.
Let’s take cell phones. Traveling without one is like riding without a seatbelt – if you have one, it’s stupid not to use it. More and more people are keeping their cell phones on them at all times, and as a result people tend to expect immediate answers every time they call or send a text message. It’s as if by carrying a cell phone, you rescind your inaccessibility to the world.
Mass communication like Facebook and Twitter does harm, too. Yes, we can argue that it keeps us connected, that social networking enhances our careers and friendships, that it helps event planning, etc. All these things are true. But it also trivializes the information we do send to the world and helps us keep up the sad illusion that everyone is paying attention to us. The truth is that we’re mostly just paying attention to ourselves. The Internet in general is actually shortening our attention spans – I swear to God it’s true.
Cell phones and the Internet sure make communication more efficient. Between all our options for instant communication, we’re almost never truly alone. There is always someone we can talk to – even if they’re just a stranger on Omegle. We can’t tolerate boredom – think about the average length of time people remain on websites (a matter of seconds) or the length of time television networks devote to presidential candidates’ explanations of their platforms (desperately uninformative seconds). I’m seeing our future as a culture of unfocused, self-centered, solitude-fearing information whores, drowning ourselves in waves of data in a desperate search for some kind of entertainment. Maybe I’m overdramatizing it, but it’s just my honest intuition.
I’m not advocating that we do away with it all and go back to living off the land. Certainly that would be folly. But it’s nice to get away from it for a little while every so often. So every so often I rush through the tasks waiting for me and get off the computer as soon as possible, leaving my cell phone behind too. I go outside. Summer is an ideal time for me; I usually spend a week or two up in the woods in a cabin with some family, where there is no cell service and very limited Internet, so when I see a beautiful lake or a bear in the woods I can’t just snap a photo and put it up on Instagram for my friends to see instantaneously. But when the winter weather is this good, it’s a perfect opportunity to spend time outside paying attention to nature instead of having my eyes locked to various screens. It’s a good time to sit outside for hours with a notebook or sketchbook or the like, without the distraction of instant data en masse. Leave the cell phone indoors to be be alone outdoors for a while can really clear the head. I speak from experience, but don’t just take my word for it; come on out. The weather’s fine.

Save the Walloons! (And Manx, and Ottawa, and Tanglang, and all the rest)

Today’s post is going to be very short, as it’s been the world’s longest day and I’m so exhausted there’s a real threat of passing out as I write this, but I had a thought.

As you all know, I’m a major Word Nerd, and besides things like Creative Writing, I’m also into Linguistics, which I’m taking for the first time this semester. At the moment we’re mainly talking about the ways people move their mouths to make sounds, which is all very exciting and interesting, but I keep thinking about something that keeps coming up in my reading.

Certain languages, people say, are dying. According the “The Guardian” (which is my favorite British newspaper, because it actually lets you read articles online — cough cough, London Times), there are hundreds upon hundreds of dying languages. Languages people just aren’t speaking anymore. Why? There are a whole host of reasons, including takeover by another group of people, the spread of education, and it simply not being “cool” anymore. The point is, certain ways of talking are slowly fading out, and linguists are getting upset.

What if, as American citizens, we made the decision to allow all students to study whatever language they liked, no matter how obscure, and still count it as a credit? Right now, most high schools only offer Latin, Spanish, and French — sometimes German, Russian, Chinese, Japanese and Arabic if you’re really lucky. But what if we added hundreds of endangered languages to that list?

A lot of work would have to be done by the US government, for obvious reasons. In most cases (if they wanted to study something outside the languages mentioned above), students wouldn’t be able to be taught in a classroom, so they would have to teach themselves. That would mean that the government would have to provide language-learning software or websites — they’d have to find people to chart endangered languages, and record themselves speaking it, so that students could create a foundation. Then they’d have to find ways of connecting students learning the same language with one another, so that they could practice together, perhaps through Skype or other distance-learning technologies.

But all in all, I don’t think this would involve too much effort to be realistic. All sorts of language-learning software, even for the most obscure languages, is already available online. Just look at Colin and Cumberland, or the BBC’s language-learning websites! All that would need to happen would be for it to be put into a more organized format. And I don’t think that’s much of a price to pay, when it comes to saving languages that would otherwise die out.

And we’re the United States of America! We call ourselves a melting pot; we boast people from every corner of the globe, and that’s something that all of us (except a select number of Republican politicians) are proud of. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful thing if we could show the world we care about the places that our ancestors once lived, and the languages that they spoke? If anyone is going to go the extra mile in saving endangered languages, I think we’ve got more of an obligation than anyone. Even if we can’t add the hundreds of languages that need saving to school curriculums, we could still add an awful lot, considering the language-learning resources that are available with the click of a mouse. Or, even if we can’t do that, we could at least spread awareness about the much-too-quick fading-out of languages most American schoolchildren have never heard of. We could do something.

And I know we probably won’t, because politics is as complicated and ugly right now as it always has been, but I wish it weren’t. I really wish it weren’t.

(I apologize for the inferior quality of this article. This week felt more like the first week back than the first week back did. As a result I can’t deal with grammar right now, and I know I’ll look back on this tomorrow morning and do a lot of cringing. I’m sorry!)

Video time?

So I guess we’re doing videos now! Watch me talk about celebrities if I’m not too awkward.